Lost In Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical
malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could
not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a
handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's
sign said 'WHERE AM I?' in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said 'YOU ARE
IN A HELICOPTER.'

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to
steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the 'YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER' sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded 'I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building
because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer.'
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A little boy goes to his father and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. "I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's
the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're
here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny
-we'll consider her the Working Class; and your baby brother, we'll call
him the Future. Now, think about that, and see if that makes sense." So
the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later
that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on
him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the
little boy goes to his parents room, and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door
locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the
nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, Son,
tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about". The
little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working
Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep shit".

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Subject: Love: This is great!

Hey! this is really a nice one.

Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,and RESENTMENT.COM
running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain
in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE
with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and
RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will

reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order
to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I

do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS".

What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external
HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but In non-technical
terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before It can "LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will
overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITICEXE from
all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat

files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various

modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules
back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help

Cheers!