joke3

Brian is a commercial saturation diver for GlobalDivers out of
Louisiana and performs underwater repairs onoffshore drilling rigs.
Below is an email he sent to his sister.

Anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember
this letter....True story.



April, 1998
Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had
a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me,
I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you
know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the
office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this:

We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece
of sh*t sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose
which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several
times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and
start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my
neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working
in a jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden,
my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only
made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In
agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into
my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had
under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any
hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back.
My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought
was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5
other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted
the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water
decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the
surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the surface
wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to
the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to
shove it up my ass when I get in the chamber. The cream put the
fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole
was swollen shut.

I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the
suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship. Anyway,
the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think
about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a
jellyfish up your ass.

I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope
this will make more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear from
you soon.

--
Funny Story O' The Day Lewis@SpoonServer.Com
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have been prevented if the
suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship. Anyway,
the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think
about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a
jellyfish up your ass.

I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope
this will make more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear from
you soon.